What happens when you stay silent?

Abusers continue to abuse, sin runs rampant, and remains unchecked. People become stuck and fail to change, living in fear and bondage. They cling to lies formed by their own sins and by the enemy.

I stayed silent because I was conditioned to do so. I lived in fear of others and believed the false notion that love meant allowing and minimizing evil. I thought love required me to manage others’ emotions, accept false responsibility, and allow myself to be treated like a doormat. I believed that love meant sacrificing my well-being for another person and losing my own identity in the process.

However, once I was saved, God opened my eyes. Through a long, nearly four-year process, He helped me understand what true love, as defined in scripture, is. To love someone in a holy way, you must be TRUTHFUL. God not only created love, but he is love. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-9 ESV). “[Love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6).

I struggled with telling the truth because I hated conflict and confrontation. As a result, I would ignore, dismiss, or minimize others’ actions and behaviors. Unintentionally, I became an enabler out of my own need for self-protection, and in doing so, I contributed to others’ sins. God was working on me in this area and placed me in various situations that tested and pruned me in ways that were not serving me, especially in my relationship with Him.

A particular situation opened my eyes (the most) to the choices I had made out of fear in the past. I observed someone close to me who pointed out that they disagreed with the truth I presented because “no one had said anything to them before”. While that was partially true, it made me realize that silence allowed this person to genuinely believe their own narrative and lies. They were in complete shock when I was open and honest, sharing the truth with them, as they thought there was no contention or need for them to change.

When we remain silent, we cause more hurt and harm to both the other person and ourselves. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18 NIV). By telling the truth, we show love and bring light into the darkness of the lies they believe. I wish I had a happy ending to this story, but I don’t, at least not yet. The truth I shared didn’t miraculously change them; in fact, I was met with anger. However, it taught me to stand firm and be bold, no matter the cost. We aren’t guaranteed a positive outcome; we act out of obedience, trusting and having faith in God, who is already in control of the situation.

I used to be afraid to share the truth for various reasons, one of the biggest being the fear of loss, something that many of us can relate to. However, I decided that I would rather experience loss than cling to something unfruitful. The more I let go of that control, the more freedom I found. The Lord is full of grace and mercy, and was very patient and kind in putting me in situations that would produce the fruit in me that could only be developed through those trials. God grew the fruit of love in me, and it began with my surrender to Him, including my thoughts, ideas, emotions, and everything I had been taught and believed. In place of those, God replaced them with His truth.

It can be hard to hear the truth because it forces us to reflect on ourselves and realize that we are sinners who need a Savior. Some people will reject the truth because their hearts are hardened (Matthew 13:15) and they are unwilling to change (Paul Tripp, Kris Reece) due to pride and love of sin. They may not want to admit that they need Jesus. However, that shouldn’t stop us from sharing the truth. We must remember that there is no fear in love (as scripture tells us). The truth is that by sharing the truth, we are loving both them and ourselves and glorifying God in the process.

Prayer:

Lord, I pray for those who are struggling to be bold and are facing difficult circumstances that test their faith. It’s easy to give up, and I often feel that way, too. However, where we are weak, Lord, You are strong (2 Corinthians 12:9). May You build our character through these trials and instill the fruit of perseverance in our lives.

We ask for more courage and strength to glorify you in all that we do so that we may reflect Your image more fully. Keep us on the narrow path, and when we are in the valley, help us to remember that You are our guiding light who never leaves or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

When You call us to love others in truth, You are right there with us. Take away our fear of man, our fear of failure, our fear of losing relationships, and our fear of damaging our reputation for standing and rising up.

We also pray for those who have hardened hearts. Through our acts of obedience to You, God, may we bring light and freedom to others. We thank You for Your goodness and truth, and we know, Lord, that You will sustain us.

In Your holy name, Jesus, Amen.

Athena Secco

Scripture:

1. 1 John 4:7-9 ESV
2. 1 Corinthians 13:6).
3. (1 John 4:18 NIV
4. Matthew 13:15
5. 2 Corinthians 12:9
6. Deuteronomy 31:6
7. Paul Tripp and Kris Reece