Have you ever felt your heart shatter into tiny million pieces?  Have you ever felt so discouraged, angry, and even abandoned by God? I have and am currently holding onto the tiniest thread of hope. The last two and a half years have been full of tears, pain, loss, deep mourning, and regret. It has not been easy, but through all my pain and suffering, God, my shepherd, and Jehovah Raah, continues to guide me into eternal peace. I have learned to be content alone, to surrender on my knees, and to know when I am weak, HE is strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)  

     For two years, I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord for specific prayers; I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, but God had different plans for me. To say I was discouraged was an understatement. My vision for my future, what I thought would happen, and what I heard and felt in my spirit did not occur. What now? I had nothing left to give to the Lord; I decided to turn on some worship music to uplift my spirit. “Good Plans” by Red Rocks Worship played, and I inhaled every word; “The Lord is my shepherd, and He is everything I need, So I will not worry, I will not fear the enemy. He said that He loves me, He said that He’s with me, even though I walk through the valley of shadow and death and still I know, He has good plans, He has good plans for me.”

     I was clinging to my circumstances changing so tightly that when it did not happen, it devastated me, and I felt broken and confused. In God’s grace, he showed me that putting our hopes and dreams in a circumstance or even an answered prayer above the gift giver himself would only lead to disappointment and false hope.  

     Psalm 23 is one of my favorite scriptures. “The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters, and He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths, for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever”. The Lord has good plans for you; it may not be what you wanted and prayed for, but you can trust your shepherd, who only leads you to peace and still waters. 

      God never abandons us; we can “feel” abandoned and forgotten, but the truth is that God protects us with his rod, comforts and leads us, and chases after us when we go astray. (Philippians 1:6 NIV) states: “We can be confident that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He loves us and is faithful, even when we are not. God will complete in you what he created and destined you for when “he knitted you together in your mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13-14 NIV) You might feel weary and drained, but that is the perfect spot to let God minister to you; you only need to be still. In my prayer room, God told me to do nothing but sit there and be “still,” to rest in his presence, and to let Him take care of me. Let God refresh your soul; let him remind you of his goodness and faithfulness despite your feelings.  

   Below are some practical and helpful tools to help when you are struggling to trust God:

• Read your bible and look up scriptures about trust; I will add some below. 

• Carve out quiet, “still” time with God, even if you only have 5 minutes. If we let our thoughts linger, we can start to believe the enemy’s lies. Let God cover you with his truth.

• Seek wise counsel/church community and trusted friends; lament and speak your troubles aloud to them. I caution you to keep your circle small of who you open your heart to; use your discernment on who you trust and let in. Do not leave anything in the dark that the enemy can twist and manipulate you into believing lies. My freedom prayer leader would say, “To live in the light” (Kari Quanz). My counselor Dub shared Psalm 42 as a verse to study and declare. I read that verse crying because I could feel every word as if I were writing it myself. 

• Play worship music and praise God even when you might feel the opposite. 

• Journal your thoughts and emotions, even if you dislike writing. Write down what you are going through and look back sometime later to see God’s faithfulness and how He brought you through.  

     Over time, I have learned that unanswered prayers are a blessing and God’s protection. God’s timing is perfect, and sometimes your circumstances do not change, but God changes your heart instead, which is always more fruitful. Redemption is not through our circumstances changing but through Christ’s blood. He is the master artist weaving everything together for our good. Romans 8:28 NIV states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

     God has great plans for his children, surpassing what we imagine. God is our peace in our trouble; the only thing stable and steadfast. (John 16:33 NIV) states, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”. When I decided to trust God, release my closed fist, and give him my desires, he showed me that he has always been in control. He opened my eyes, gave me more wisdom and discernment, and brought something to me even better than I hoped. I just needed to take that first step of faith, let go, and allow him to lead me.  

      I pray that you surrender to God any areas in your life that you are clenching so tightly with your fist. Allow God to encourage you through His word and uplift and restore your mind and heart. I pray today is a spirit refresh, and you can start or continue to put your faith and trust in God again. God Bless! 

-Athena 

Links and Scriptures below:

Good Plans By Red Rocks Worship

Scriptures about Trusting God: 

1.  Psalm 42 NIV
2. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV 
3. Isaiah 41:10 NIV 
4. Hebrews 13:8 NIV 
5. Psalm 56:3 NIV 
6. Psalm 56:4 NIV 

Scriptures:

1. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
2. Psalm 23 NIV 
3. Philippians 1:6 NIV 
4. Psalm 139:13-14 NIV 
5. John 16:33 NIV 
6. Romans 8:28 NIV